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Confessions of a Freaked Out College Senior. Pt I

June 16, 2010

So I’m freaking out a little. I think it’s an early-life crisis. I’m nostalgic for those days before my time when anybody could start their career easily straight out of college. Or even for the times when a woman like me only had to worry about finding a husband. But not really.

Really, that kind of society would offer me a simplicity, but is simplicity what we — what I want?

No. I can smell my graduation approaching, just 6 months away. I wonder how my college experience is supposed to correspond to “real life.” Will my abilities continue to be defined on a 4.0 scale? Will my Constitutional Law class help me scoop popcorn better at my minimum wage job? Will my Great American Literature class offer insight when I’m trying to figure out how to move out of my mom’s house? What am I supposed to do with this silly piece of paper that they’re going to hand me at that silly ceremony where I’ll blend in with the thousands of other black gowns and tasseled caps?…

Enough angsty B.S.. I guess my point is that as I approach the celebration of an end of an era, I fear that the next one will not begin. There will be a dead space where history stops. All the dreams I’ve developed for what my life will be when I’m done with classes have not been put into action. Not yet at least. I feel like my life will continue to move in the same way it has been, but just without this central piece: school, learning, intellect, inspiration…

I have no more patience for my own confused writing right now. I have the concept that this will become a series. The installments won’t all be as annoying as this. I want to talk about plans and graduation and classes and class-mates, and real tangible things — not just anxiety. We’ll see what happens with this series.

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